I'm not dead yet!

"This doesn't have to be anything at all."

-- Stop Draggin' My Heart Around, Stevie Nicks




I am officially old.

Zoe's doctor appointment cleared her of any lingering illnesses, but my appointment raised more questions than answers.

I have hypertension. That is the only fact I left with. I am 32 years old with no family history of high blood pressure, but there it is.

I had a CT scan Sunday that revealed nothing, but I'm going for an MRI on Saturday that I guess is supposed to rule out an aneurysm. That's better than the spinal tap that was suggested I suppose. This is all to rule out a very extremely remote possibility that my headaches are something other than migraines causing or caused by my blood pressure.

After talking to my doctor, I realize this is something I've probably had for a while. In hindsight, I remember wondering about certain symptoms, mostly red hands and being so very tired so very suddenly, like I could just close my eyes and sleep at my desk. And then I consume the hell out of coffee, which probably doesn't help.

I have a heart test lined up too to make sure there's no damage in case this has, in fact, existed for longer than this past weekend.

My goal is to get off the BP medicine I started today. It's kicking my ass as well as my stomach. Reportedly I will get used to it in a couple months. Then they might up the dosage.

PLEASE JUST ISSUE ME THE CANE AND WALKER ALREADY.

I think I'm ready now for bingo games and Judge Judy. I practiced with an old lady in the waiting room today: While she adjusted her oxygen tank we bantered about Oprah.

During Zoe's physical this morning, she got a few boosters, and it just broke my heart. She handled it well enough, but I know she didn't see what was coming, and by the third one she was terrified. "I don't like that kind of doctor," she keeps telling me. "I don't like ones that hurt me."

I don't think the nurse liked it any better: She gave Zoe a long hug after it was done. That's got to be a tough job, sticking kids.