Future contortionist

What happens when Mom is sick for a day

Go call your mother. And thank her for putting up with you.

Zoe's dad's surprise visit

Zoe had a wonderful time, though it was tough for her to say goodbye.

Bob brought his brand-spanking-new dog, Tilly. And as brand-new as it was, it needed no spanking.


In fact, the dog was great! It was a little bit freaky, looking like it would cry at any moment. And it has weird double claws on its hiind legs.


Speaking of freaks, Jacob was happy to see them too!

WeekEND

We have been trying to plan a night of pool and darts for a while. Tonight we got 'er done. In my basement.

The guys thought it was hilarious that one of my support structures doubled as a stripper pole.

Some things are learned the hard way

Don't open a salad spinner while it's still spinning.

Only because I have a blog....

I know this will make no difference, but because I have maintained my right to broadcast my opinion across the internet for a number of years, I am going to do this...

I HOPE THIS WOMAN ROTS!!!!!


This bitch came up from my left, in bumper to bumper traffic, and wedged her front end into the four feet of space between my car and the car in front of me. I was ready to scream, honk, shatter the hell out of her front fender, but I let her in, and then I watched her inch forward awkwardly, and I could see in her mirrors -- SHE'S ON THE MOTHER FUCKING PHONE. I watched as she continued to cut other drivers off, and she actually, single-handedly, slowed down traffic in the Fort Pitt Tunnel while she was chatting away.

I wanted a damn bullhorn. I think Pittsburgh drivers are great for the most part, but then you get an asshole like this.


If anyone sees this bitch driving around town, give her the finger. She didn't notice mine while she chatted away during her drive out of town.

Missing pieces

When I was in college, I smoked Camels. One day, I took all my Camel Cash to the post office, hefted it onto the counter, and sent away for my prize.

The post office worker behind the counter blinked at me. "Why don't you just send them a lung?"

In time for my junior year, my dart board arrived. Just in time for my first off-campus apartment. My roommate and I used to order a case of American Light -- do they even make that shit anymore? -- delivered from the local distributor, prop the board up on the back of the couch, and play well into morning.

When we moved out of that apartment, we had lots of holes to plug from the steel-tip darts. We had heard that toothpaste was a great fix, but we had only AquaFresh, so we left behind a wall full of tiny teal dots.

I moved to Florida before I officially graduated and lost track of the board.

Recently, I was sharing with Zoe my love of puzzles. I actually didn't love them when I was a kid, but my mother got me one for Christmas every year. I told her next time we were over Pap Pap's, we could ask him if it was OK if we took a few of the puzzles from his attic.

While we were snooping around for the puzzles (we took four), I saw, tucked in the corner, the price my lungs paid for years ago. The old dart board.

I whisked it out of the house and the next night I sent Liam to WalMart for the hardware to hang it in my basement. And we played and played and played. Until the wee hours of the morning.


He's up one game. For now.

The dart board has good company in the basement. A few months ago I scored a cheap pool table from Liam's friend.


If the stars align correctly, I'll soon have a La-Z-Boy, a dorm fridge and a beer miester for the basement. My mid-life crisis will be complete.

And speaking of mid-life crises, I have been reflecting (in many ways) a lot on my youth tonight, as I put together one of those puzzles Zoe took from Pap Pap's.

Oh no, not again

Seen on the back of a juice pouch

"He who throws mud only loses ground."

-- Fat Albert

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Worth a celebration.