Official: Woman mulls hike in hope

"I got a peaceful, easy feeling,
And I know you won't let me down,
'Cause I'm already standing
On the ground."

-- Peaceful Easy Feeling, Eagles



I really have no idea what has gotten into my dad.

Suddenly he's not yelling, he's talking to/about Zoe like she's a 4-year-old instead of the devil, and he's even PLAYING with her!

He came home from work today, and I bet he was really tired because he had to put her to bed at 8 and get up at midnight, but he came in all sing-songy and fed her lunch and waited patiently until I got up before he took a nap. I actually just laid in bed thinking: Who did what with my dad??? And I even got up earlier than I planned and found him a bit pleasant to be around.

It could be that today is the last day he will have to deal with the little rugrat on a regular basis: I start back on days next week. Or maybe some of the family (his sisters mostly) parading through here during the past week have listened to him bitch and offered him some advice.

I don't know, but he's a different man. Even after his nap, when he can be his crankiest, he pulled a blanket over his head and came in acting like a ghost. Zoe was laughing from her gut! And when Zoe knocked the drapes off the wall, it didn't seem to faze him, as far as I could tell.

When I made my nightly call from work, he just said, "We were playing catch and we knocked the box off the table that had all her barrettes in it, and she's picking them up now." I don't know what surprised me more, that he wasn't mad that she made a mess or that he was playing with her. And when I got home, the kitchen was clean.

Who took my dad?? Whoever did, keep him. I like this one!

I'm looking forward to working days. MAN, am I looking forward to it. There's so much good about this publication, and yet so many little things here and there I see I can do just to make people's lives at work a little easier. I wanna play effiency expert, but I have two big projects on my plate at the same time. I always hated it when someone said, "We'll get that done," and then you don't hear from them for months. I'm so afraid of doing that to the night desk... after I hear myself saying the same thing over and over.

"We'll get that done."

I'll get it done. I have to. And I'll have a yummy four-day weekend to feel guilty about taking time off already. :)

CHIA PET PROGRESS: None. It's been two days. So, we put a bag over it. We're suffocating the poor thing!

Who let the dogs out?

"Dream, when you're feeling blue.
Dream, that's the thing to do.
Just watch the smoke rising, rise in the air;
You'll find your share of memories there."

-- Dream, Roy Orbison


Only two more days on nights!!!! I've set a deadline: I'm going to start looking for my own home within a month. I should be able to swing it, paying off my moving debt and winding up the child support crap.

My dogs ran away again today. I spent the afternoon either driving around looking for them or looking out the window, down the hill, hoping I'd see them trotting back. They ran away yesterday when my sister let them out, and a couple driving home from taking their own dog to the vet for emergency surgery put them in the back of their car and brought them to us. I felt so bad when I saw the back of their car, but they dismissed the muddy mess as nothing. I'm glad they had leather seats so they could at least wipe it clean.

My dad found my dogs today. I had to get ready for work, so he took a turn in my car, and he found them down in the woods.

I do not have leather seats. And it's quite muddy out. My car is.... disgusting. I've been driving a co-worker home after work and I had forgotten that my car was all doggy, and when we opened the car, I had to take a step back. OH MY. I explained the smell to her and listened to all her dog stories the whole ride home.

I'm glad she's not a cat lover.

It makes me mad that the pups think my dad is in charge now. When anyone else tries to discipline them, (or let them out to pee!) they don't listen. It's not my dad's fault, but shit, I don't need to wake up every day to chasing after missing animals. And when I get my own house, will they listen to me again? (Oh wait, did they ever??)

All this driving around the neighborhood has given me a glimpse of for-sale signs on houses. There aren't a lot of them, so they do stand out to me. I am sooooo hungry for my own house. And there are some really nice ones I can afford. I'll have so much space I'll get lost in my own house...

I have a four-day weekend coming up... it looks like one of those days will be spent scrubbing down the mutts and cleaning out the car. I'll certainly remember to put blankets in the car afterward.

Maybe another day will be spent finding a real estate agent.

Ch-ch-ch-CHIA!

"You, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please, help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die."

-- Teach Your Children; Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young



Christmas was great, except that my brother was really sick. His wife dragged him over half-dressed, and he remained on the couch all night, even to eat. I feel horrible for him. Ever since his car accident a few years ago, he's had horrible health problems. I called over there this afternoon and Jen said he didn't get out of bed for more than five minutes. Dad called tonight and said he got no answer.

I worry about that kid. A lot.

Zoe had a great Christmas though. She got a Leapster from her dad, and she totes it everywhere. And she got her elephant Chia pet from Uncle Rob and Aunt Jen! It's soaking in a bowl of water now, so we'll apply the seeds tomorrow. I have never been able to keep a Chia pet alive, let alone get it to flourish to half its potential, so I'm really sad to see my sister, Kelly Green Thumb, leave tomorrow. I'm going to have to get Aimee to come over regularly to take care of our Chia, since she insists it's so freakin' easy.

Zoe is excited about it. "You can watch it grow with me, Mommy. Ch-ch-ch-CHIA!"

Ah, advertising.

At work the other night, we had the annual awards ceremony. One of the awards was for best newcomer. LOL. Of course I didn't get it, but I think I dreamed that night that I did. Later in the evening they sent out a list of the winners and even the nominees, which I thought was a great idea, to let the nominees they were on a short list, even though they didn't get the 500 bucks.

Well, that was, hmmmm... Thursday maybe? Well, we get an amended email today, saying that the first email failed to include all the nominees. Wouldn't you know it, I open the damn thing, and my name is in it. Not for best newcomer, but for best design.

I've only been there a few weeks! I haven't seen a project to completion yet and I've done only three completely original A1s! I am not going to gloat, I am not going to even take it with a grain of salt. I'm going to ignore it and think about ... whose ass I kissed so I can get on the winner's list next year!

Ha, I jest. I am humbled and honored and shocked. I guess hearing from my dad (now on a 24-hour basis) how lazy I am...





Being back here, I'm starting to realize why I stayed away for so long. My sister relays to me that Dad tells her too how worthless I am. I made stuffed cabbages for dinner the other night, and my dad told me to get my aunt's recipe because mine sucked. "Don't you know that's why Rob threw his away?" I wasn't even aware that Rob threw his away.

Dad told my sister on Christmas that her potatoes were "OK." She practically reeled from the compliment.

I do need to get Zoe away from my dad too... he's already telling her that he will do nothing for her if I'm in the house. "Go ask your mother, I'm not on duty," he barks. And I overheard him telling her he doesn't want to watch her, it's not his job to baby-sit her for hours on end, that's not what grandparents are for. I hear him telling this to my 4-year-old. He won't tell it to me, but he'll tell it to her.

I wish there was somewhere else I could go. But I am back on days next week. Zoe has a new preschool she starts then. And let the house-hunting begin!


--------
"Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by.
And feed them on your dreams,
The one they pick, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why;
If they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh,
And know they love you."

-- CSNY

Ho, ho, ho

Zoe welcomes home Aunt Kelly.


My sister Kelly came in from Syracuse yesterday right before I went to work. Apparently she went with my father to get a tree while I was gone, and they didn't tell me about it until this morning. So we have a TREE! Granted, it's a fake one, and I'll have to tear it all down in a week (or leave it up until March, like Pittsburghers are known to do), but it's great that Zoe got to decorate a tree. It was important to me, and I'm glad it was important to Dad and Kelly. Or at least to Kelly. Dad just complained that it was a crappy tree.

Most of the ornaments we dug out of the attic were ones my mother made. Some we made as kids, and I hadn't seen them in years either. Next year I'll make ornaments with Zoe.

We made some great finds in the attic: Kelly found (and staked a claim on) a beautiful Christmas tree platter that I don't remember at all. And there were some laugh-out-loud finds, such as disfigured Santa candles and tinsel garland that was missing much of its tinsel. But someone still packed them back up and put them in the attic!

We aimed to make a tree that was as not tacky as possible, but Dad bought new tinsel, so..... there ya go. :)


Zoe helps her Aunt Kelly set up the tree.



"The sun is too bright," Zoe says.


It was a beautiful day outside too. Incredibly sunny and somewhat warm. I can kiss that snow goodbye for now. Everyone's bitching that there won't be a white Christmas. I'm used to it, and I couldn't care less. It is my first Christmas with all of my family in many, many years. I hope we don't kill each other. :)

We tracked Santa online beginning in the afternoon and ran a few errands, visited some family ... I missed most of the Steeler game, and my dad nearly reprimanded me for it. The game was a shut out. I'll hear about it constantly on the news and in passing conversation until the next game, so I really didn't miss anything. (I never thought I could get sick of hearing about the Steelers.)


Kelly and Zoe find Santa's location on the NORAD Web site. By evening Mr. Claus was already crossing the Atlantic from Europe.



Zoe prepares cookies and milk for Santa.


After Zoe finally went to bed, Kelly and I did last-minute wrapping and crammed everything under the tree. Dad sat in his easy chair bitching that we were in the way of the TV. I asked him: "When we were kids, did Mom do all this stuff while you sat on your ass?"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No, I had to put shit together."

We don't talk too much about it, but we all miss Mom.

I can't wait to get up in the morning. I finally opened all the boxes of gifts that arrived in the mail for Zoe and put them under the tree with everything Santa left. She scored big time! It appears I scored a little too! We'll find out tomorrow.

Merry Christmas to all! And happy Hanukkah too!


Zoe and her mom.

On your feet

"The road goes on forever
and the party never ends."

Robert Earl Keene



I've really taken a shine to checking out people's shoes. I've worn sandals almost constantly since Zoe was born more than four years ago. In fact, I've worn the same pair of sandals for most of those four years. I have another pair I threw in once or twice a week to shake things up.

No sandals here, so I've been looking around to see what the poor saps living in cold weather wear.

What I've noticed in Pittsburgh: They have old shoes.

I was starting to wonder if shoes were so expensive here that people didn't buy them often. Or if people at my work just weren't paid enough to afford new shoes. I saw a shiny pair on feet here and there, but mostly I've seen tattered and battered soles on most.

I bought four pairs of dress shoes for work when I got here. The two pairs I favor, after only three weeks of wear, going from the house to the car and from the car into work -- both short distances -- well, my two favored pairs now look like I've owned them for years. With all the ice and slush and salt and mud.... ICK.

I quickly came to the conclusion that people wear their yucky shoes in winter. I'll test this theory come spring. Until then I'm shopping at Payless, if I even bother to buy more shoes at all.

As I was driving home tonight, stuff kept hitting my windshield. As a rookie snow driver, I could surmise only that it was salt or some shit on the road. About halfway home I realized it was chunks of ice flying off my hood. Another funny observation: My car makes new noises. And not new engine noises, but creaks and cracks and stuff like that, in the frame itself. After I climbed into my car tonight (shivering my ass off) I heard a slow, painful noise that convinced me one of the windows must have cracked.

No damage that I can see.

It was a whopping 12 degrees when I got home. I hope someone has a pair of thermal gloves for me under the tree because mittens ain't cutting it.

Foto fun

I finally took the time to figure out how to post photos. So here's some.


Zoe picks up snow for the first time!



Though Zoe and the dogs love the snow, Zoe's legs are chapped from the cold and the pups have bleeding paw pads. :( Me, my nose won't stop bleeding!




Uncle Rob takes Zoe sledding in his back yard. Next we'll do the intermediate hill at South Park... so big, you can only tolerate two or three hikes to the top in a day!




Pap Pap (my dad) drove his truck home on a break and Zoe checks it out.



The front street immediately after I drove home from work Thursday night after about five inches fell.


Today I plowed gently into a snowbank (I have to admit it was kinda fun) and later I got stuck at the bottom of the hill from Dad's house after going for dinner at my aunt's house. I made him come fetch me, and he managed to get the Jetta up the hill. "You don't know how to drive!" he says. I'm lucky though, I watched two cars today slip past me sideways, and I have no idea how they missed hitting me or something else.

I asked Dad after we got home if we could go get a Christmas tree. "ARE YOU CRAZY??" he yelled?

Bwaaaaahahahahahahahah! I guess he's had too much time off from me.

Safe... and sound?

My first experience driving in snow happened in the middle of the night with five inches of the crap already on the roads with no plows or salt trucks in sight.

F#%^$#% $%df7%$ F**^%&^$ #$^#$ $#h^/. F%2D#^ [bleep] sk324@$#% @#$fqRq4F DFE434 [censored] W$dg34#@$ $f Dr4r3t#$%^/. Hmph. Grrr. @$^#.

More on this in the next blog.

Beep, beeeep

I am learning quickly the nuances of driving in Pittsburgh. One of my favorites is the art of honking; I'm not a fan, but it's considered mostly polite and necessary in this town. Here's a primer.

THE QUICK HONK
In Florida: "Go stupid, the light is green."
In Pittsburgh: "Hey, thanks for squeezing onto that guy's yard on this side street so I could get by first, even though I waited five minutes for you to go first."

TWO QUICK HONKS
In Florida: "You're drifting into my lane, stupid. What's that blinking on the side of your car?"
In Pittsburgh: "Thanks for letting me go when it wasn't my turn. That was swell."

THE LONG HONK
In Florida: "Go stupid, the light is green and I'm in a hurry!"
In Pittsburgh: "Hey man, get out here, the bars close at 2!"

MULTIPLE ANNOYING HONKS
In Florida: "Get off your cell phone and drive!" ("I'd be there by now if this ass in front of me would get off the phone! OK, bye." Click.)
In Pittsburgh: "Hey man! I haven't seen you in a month! Call and we'll go grab a beer and some pierogies!" (Works for both fellow drivers and pedestrians.)

SHORT HONK, FOLLOWED BY LONG HONK
In Florida: "Get out of the fast lane, stupid Canadian!"
In Pittsburgh: "Get out of the fast lane, stupid Floridian!"

The newbie: Week two

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store
But the prettiest sight to see
Is the holly that will be
On your own front door."

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas -- Bing Crosby



I've been doing A1 for two nights.

Not 1A. That's A1. And I have to fill in jump page numbers manually, so you can imagine how many of those I fuck up. Not only that, I have to fill in FOLIOS. Pages and dates. I had Dec. 6 in all mine tonight. What an ass I am.

I used to be so great in Quark. I mean, I knew every quick key and could do a project with my eyes closed. Anyone who knows how anal I am knows this is bugging the shit out of me. I'm expected to edit copy too and just didn't find a moment tonight. Grrrrr.

GRRRRRRR.

I really thought they'd just have me sit with someone, but they threw me right in. Was it a test? Or desperation? Or did no one check my resume??? I'm sure I had "anti-1A control freak" in there somewhere. Who knows, I'm enduring it, and sometimes I amaze myself. What I'm doing is not great, but I'm getting it done.

OK, enough newspaper talk! Work in general is great. It's demanding, but the people are funny and I'm finding that my goofy sense of humor is not lost on people here. And not everyone is from here; the guy next to me tonight was talking about the Redskins. And I didn't want to be the new kid talking about "my old paper," but a lot of people do it.

Zoe is doing great. She wonders why Daddy isn't picking her up to take her to the beach, but otherwise, she's really enjoying it here.

I think both of us feel like it's just a vacation. As if we'll be back in Florida in no time, with our regular friends and our regular routine. I think I'll let that denial get me through the hellish night shift I have to get through for training. Looks like I'm on it for only December, which is good.

I'm really excited about getting Zoe back into school. And we're looking forward to the holidays -- at home. My sister will get to come home, so with my brother and his wife, we're all having Christmas Day together. I talked my dad into getting a real tree ("Them's a fire hazard if you don't red up after 'em en'at!) so we're decorating this weekend. I can't wait!

Photos to come -- I learned how to upload them to the blog the other night. That is, if I can find out where I packed the battery charger for my camera. Grrrr. :)

Let it snow

"Oh, mirror in the sky,
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?"

-- Stevie Nicks, Landslide

My weekend got off to a good start.

My first major project at work was kind of "stolen" from a guy who has been doing it for many years. I was coached how to handle him ("He's not exactly pissed, but... he's pissed.") and went my own way, knocked out a few prototypes, and man, do I wish I had the email on hand to copy here... the one he sent to dozens of people gushing. Now, before you think I'm bragging, I should note that I sat through a presentation of past issues and knew it wouldn't be hard to one-up them. And I turned in something quite ordinary.

But he circulated my name via email throughout the company, which made me feel great. And I made the reportedly "difficult" editor very happy, and if he's as quirky as they say he is, I probably scored a few extra points.

Speaking of points, the damn Steelers lost. They didn't even try until the end. The people here take their football seriously. And they are so pessimistic, as if they paid Cowher's salary. It's funny to observe though, something I've always noticed when I called home on Sundays when I was in Florida. "We should have ran [sic] the ball," or "We shouldn't have a false start on offense." my dad would say. I have been to my brother's house for the past two games and listened to his friends badmouth my Steelers constantly... I'm gonna stay home next week and we'll see if they win. Wow, those superstitions took hold again pretty quickly. :)

I drove in snow for the first time today. I turned onto my brother's street and suddenly, there was snow. Other streets had been cleared. I slid, I slipped, I parked. My brother made fun of me for taking up three parking spaces after driving on snow for 20 feet, and he re-parked my car. Later he warmed up my car and turned it around so I could drive out. Hey, it was on a hill, what can I say.

My brother and I played in his back yard with Zoe today then walked through the cemetery behind his house. Most of the graves nearest his house were from the 30s and 40s. Many headstones were in another language, I'm guessing Polish. One thing that strikes me now is that... that is something I would never see in Florida. The history. The richness. There were graves of people who died in 1918 with fresh flowers on them.

I was reminded that I have to go visit Mom's grave. There are so many pictures and memories around the house and the city, and Zoe keeps telling me she wants to get a new mom for me, LOL. I'm quite happy with the one I have, I keep telling her. Even with all these sad memories overwhelming me, I'm happy.

I want to believe I'm where I belong.

Kiss Kiss....

"High up above or down below,
When you're too in love to let it go,
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth,
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you."

-- Coldplay, Fix You


I'm finishing up my first week of work. It's been great. I was rather bored my first day, but I dug in my second day (my boss called in sick so the other designers gave me stuff to do). I landed a big project today and for the meeting even wore a suit to work... and HEELS! My former co-workers would be proud. If they recognized me under all this makeup. :)

I made a few friendly connections, including a single mom with a daughter the same age as mine who moved recently from Tampa. THE editor introduced us; I thought that was downright homey of him. And she's a cops reporter willing to associate with a designer. I have so much unlearning to do, LOL.

I fell in love with this town only after I moved away for college and have been nurturing an affection for it for the past 15 years. I swear, when I came back for visits, it was like romance. I would beam every time I saw the city skyline, take pride that I knew my way around her roads, and just gush about her to anyone who asked.

Well, now that we've moved in together, it's truly a battle of wills. Hello, city planning anyone? Construction... the myths are NOT myths. All those Pittsburgh jokes my family fowarded to me over the years are ALL TRUE. I am scared to drive anywhere because Expedia maps can't keep up with closed roads. And the weather... ahh, this refreshing weather. On the way home I heard on the radio: few snow showers, no accumulation. There's two inches on my fucking car right now. Leave my car alone! She had nothing to do with this!

I'm dealing with it. Dreading it, but dealing with it. I'm enjoying it slightly. When I leave work and skirt the downtown area and see that skyline... I still beam. I'm still proud. I feel like an outsider, and I probably will for a while. The newsroom has made me feel at home, and I'll probably get used to them sooner than I will settle this romance with my old flame: Pittsburgh.

And I do have to say, after about a month off between jobs, I'm so happy to have a conversation with anyone who knows the meaning of broadsheet, pica or ROP. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.