Oh, bloody hell

Zoe settled down onto the toilet the other day, and knowing where she was heading, I knew it could be an hour-long affair of expelling and singing. So, I settled on the floor in the dining room nearby, playing trains with Jacob and heaping on him massive amounts of affection while she wasn't looking.

But shortly after she planted herself, I heard her exclaim, excitedly, "What is THIS???"

My first thought was about the green poop she had delighted in some time ago, and maybe she was enjoying a similar experience??

"Mommy, what is this thing, it has white and red?"

I recently finished decorating the bathroom... there's a framed watercolor in there now, a shadowbox of my aunt's old brooches, and a beaded candle holder. None of them, however, was white. Or red.

"And it has a STRING!!!"

Oh my &%$#¢£@ ^¢!@#(&.

My tampon didn't flush.

"Mom??"

"Honey, I'll explain that to you when Jacob isn't around to hear."

That bought me time, and later after I put Jacob to bed, she didn't bring it up. I was sure she had forgotten.

The next day, I realized that was wishful thinking, when I picked her up after work.

"So, what were you going to tell me about the toilet thing? Jacob's not here."

"Honey............"

And I explained that when she got a little older, things would happen to her like happens to all girls, and that I'd explain it when we got a little closer to that point.

"Mom. Please. Tell me what it was. Please??"

Big sigh. "It's called a tampon. Us girls use it because our pee-pees bleed for a few days every month, and it keeps our underwear clean."

We were pulling into the garage at the point, and all I could think was, please don't let her ask why we bleed. I need to buy a book or get on the internet or SOMETHING first. We raced upstairs, let the dog out, hung up coats, settled in. Then:

"So what, then you poop it out?"

"No, you pull it out when you're done with it. That's what the string is for."

"Oh."

I held my breath.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"What's for dinner?"