NOW I think she was talking about the blood of Christ...

Liam was telling me the other day about his experiences with his newfound love for Mass.

He was using words like "sermon" and "communion" and "the God, Jesus, Holy Spirity thing."

It's been a long time since I've been inside a house of God (and I'll capitalize God just so some political faction doesn't come after me next time I run for president), so he had to re-explain to me the Abraham story. The name rung a bell, but in case you don't follow, God asked him to sacrifice his son for blah blah blah blah. I'm not sure why Abraham agreed to it, but he did.

Liam asks, "What if God was drunk when he asked that, and the next day he woke up, and thought, SHIT, I didn't think he would actually do it!!"

We were drinking and playing pool at the time, so I'm not sure if Liam was looking for me to really answer that question.

Which is good, because as soon as he began this whole conversation with, "When I was at church," I was immediately focused on trying to re-repress memories of Sister Mary Marie Maria, and how I made up excuses to go to the nurse just to get out of class. Among other things, she used to tell our fifth-grade class to drink Pepto or milk while having a little wine.

Even in my younger years, the thought gagged me. Now, I wonder, why waste the money on booze if you're going to snuff out the undeniable wonderful effects in exchange for a belly that doesn't know which end is up?

I'm sure Sister MMM is long gone, but I'd like to think she would still be advising fifth-graders to think before they drink. And I'm here to pass that message along.