Help Wanted

"It's all right
There comes a time
Got no patience to search
For peace of mind
Layin' low
Want to take it slow
No more hiding or
Disguising truths I've sold.""

-- Alice in Chains, No Excuses

I spent the first part of the week after "The News" feeling pretty good, like it was a new opportunity. But after people at work found out that I didn't have a day job (I guess it's generally known I'll leave the desk now) those that gave a shit kept coming up and telling me how sorry they were that I was screwed. So, the negativity crept in.

I am sad, and I am having anxiety attacks here and there, but nothing serious. I'm divorcing my company, one that I might like to come back to one day when I can continue a career that conflicts with young family life, maybe when I'm a millionaire and can afford to live in the area. I've sent out dozens of inquiries and applications and resumes and I have gotten only one hit -- from a nearby company seeking a freelance proofreader.

And I realize how specialized I have become as a newspaper page designer. I'm now plugged in to a hole and I've plugged myself into only two locations, so it seems 7-Eleven is looking like a decent job again.

Print news is going downhill... I should expand my horizons, but it has taken this mess to get me even really thinking about that. I'm a diehard newspaper person, don't get me wrong... in college 12 or 13 years ago, I was upset that papers were moving to four-color; yeah, you'd think I was like a veteran. I resisted the expansion of feature stuff and wanted papers sticking to news... my argument was always that we are a RECORD, forget TV and radio and online, newspapers are the news of record and we need to stick to that...

But I'm thinking differently at my ripe old age of 32. :)

It's not necessary for me to compromise my ideals to find a job: I just need to find a new focus. Web news? Here and gone tomorrow, same instant gratification! Magazines? There's time to grow and make great the material. There's a lot out there, I I think I'm finally turning the corner and seeing what I can accomplish. Without giving up the beloved deadlines that make us who we are.

I wish I had kept count of the resumes going out. There ain't nothing coming in. This cloud over me... it has to disappear soon. I have a Plan B, but it ain't much prettier. I can be happy I have a job for now. I can I can I can.

Jury duty in the morning.... fun, fun.