Shaking it up

"The problelm is all inside your head
She said to me.
The answer is easy
If you take it logically.
I'd like to help you
In your struggle to be free.
There must be 50 ways
To leave your lover."

- Paul Simon


I got back from vacation and there's a jury summons mixed in with all the junk mail.

This whole Katrina mess in New Orleans has me riveted. I've given money to almost all the minor disasters in the past, and I just don't have the cash now. I think of people on their rooftops waiting for rescue, and I don't have two dimes to rub together to give them, and it kills me to no end.

My daughter just started a preschool; it's $120 a week, and I'm supposed to split it with her dad. It's impossible for me, but he is insisting. I don't know how I even let him corner me into enrolling her in the Harvard of preschools. What the hell!

Again, no cash; I can't even help anyone who really needs it. I'm eating soup out of the can and whatever stale bread I have in the fridge. I actually had a dream about tasting dog food. (And liking it.) I don't know if that would save money because i buy them the good stuff. Even though I don't have two dimes to rub together.

My dad: "Well, you have one dime at least?"

Yeah, I have one. One lonely dime.

At my company they cut out a few more people. And one of my favorite people quit.

Just like that.

I am starting to look at my job as just a job. Which is OK, I guess, even after 10 years. But it's still hard to just pick up and go to somewhere else. People do it all the time. Just hop on the bus, Gus. Make a new plan, Stan.

I think my worst fear is going from bad to worse. But really, it can't get too much worse here. Jury duty? Hahahahahahaha. If I'm lucky, I'll be disqualified because I am living elsewhere by Sept. 28. In reality, I'll still be struggling with the same stupid ass custody and job issues. I know my dad would take me with semi-open arms, so it's painful to stay. It's just as painful to go and leave 10 years behind.

Don't need to discuss much. Just get myself free.