Bugged out

Over the weekend, Zoe was getting ready for a bath, when she suddenly came dashing out of the bathroom in full screech mode.

"I saw a bug, Mommy! It was black and thissss biggggg!" And she held her hands in front of her, about the width of a basketball apart.

I come from a family of fishermen, and I've seen this exaggeration before.

But still, I was frozen. Isn't there anyone else around here who can take care of this? I mean, this is a bug problem! Hello!

OK, new homeowner, single mom, I gotta deal with the bug. Not so new territory, I was just rusty.

I went into the bathroom with great trepidation. Scanned the room. Nothing obvious. On Zoe's rapid exodus from the tub, she knocked several shampoo bottles onto the floor. I moved them... nothing under them. Nothing on the walls, towels, underside of the toilet seat lid...

Clear!

I got Zoe back into the tub after convincing her she saw some kind of shadow.

The next night, same thing.

"MOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!"

So after a day of watching my ass (pun alert!) every time I went in the bathroom, I finally caught the bastard terrorizing my family. He wasn't big, he wasn't black, but it was a creepy little thing, probably the same dude I saw in the garage when I first moved in. I had shoes on, and I took care of business. Squashed him. Then I went a few rooms away from Zoe and commenced hyperventilation.

I killed him.

I'm rotting in hell.

I cleaned up the remains and got Zoe into the tub.

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I don't know WHAT made me glance through my cheap plastic shower curtain into the tub, as if I were scanning for the palmetto bugs I always found in my tub in Florida, but I did, and there was another bug... the same kind of bug... the same creepy crawly bastard that I don't ever remember seeing before in my life but that apparently comes out only when you officially own a home.

Jacob was sitting in the hallway watching me, Zoe was nearby munching on her cereal, so I couldn't panic. I stepped over the baby and got the Raid from the hall closet. Took care of business.

It wasn't until tonight that I was getting into the shower, and I remembered I had left the bug to die in the tub.


It wasn't as bad as cleaning up after a Raid-soaked, still-crunchy palmetto bug, but it was just as effective at curbing my appetite for a few days.