You might be a redneck...

If you use bedding for window treatments.


"She's gonna make it through the night."

-- Blinded by the Light, Manfred Mann's Earth Band



It seems every morning, a little bit earlier, God comes to greet me. A bright light shines through my naked window, bestowing upon me the virtues of another bright day. Well before my alarm is ready to go off.

We haven't had rain in weeks, which means I haven't even gotten the benefit of an overcast morning. EVERY DAY, a blinding reminder that I have to be up in 45, 48, 57 minutes. With NO snooze button.

So, I took care of business. I'm just not at a point in my life where I want to be reminded of the greatness of nature in this way every day.



And tonight I was sitting on my bed/futon in my bedroom/living room, as the sun was setting, and I looked out upon my neighbor's roof, and I thought... Why didn't I think of this SOONER? Why have I let myself wake up to half-naked roofers every morning?

So I made quick work of it.



I have a good idea of what I want for window treatments... real wood blinds, 2-inch slats, dark wood, cordless. These are not cheap. Nor are they easy to find in the size of my tiny windows. The width is hard enough to find... and by width, I mean when you measure all of my windows that APPEAR to be the same size, add them all up and divide to get the AVERAGE width. Not a single window in my house is exactly the same size, though they all put on a great facade as if they at least tried.

When I have found them in the semi-right width, they only come in lengths of, like, 92 inches. These could reach into my basement if I so desired.

I imagine I'm going to have to get these custom-made... so I'm looking at a couple hundred bucks a window.

But you know what? I'm going to be in this house a long, long, long time. I've lived in enough places and had enough vinyl blinds to know that I'm going to do it right this time. I know if I look at pillowcases tacked to my windows long enough, I'll be motivated to replace them. But stick in some $5 vinyl numbers, however "temporary," and I know they'll still be with me when the grandkids come to visit.


This must have been the weekend of redneckedness for me, as I planted all my flower beds in an attempt to work on this year's farmer tan:



Before anyone screams "sunscreen" at me, this was with SPF 45 on. They don't come much whiter than me. You should see the stripe of sunburn across my lower back; I didn't realize my ASS was hanging out all day. (Which explains all the neighbors stopping by to finally introduce themselves.)

And I'd like to note that with all the tugging and pulling I do to get my bra to stay in place at work -- where the bulk of my movement is the 10 paces I make to the printer every so often -- I find it remarkable if not peculiar that it appeared to stay in place during an entire day of physical labor.

Speaking of labor...

Can you resist this bundle of joy?