Paralyzed

"They say that breaking up is hard to do.
Now I know, I know that it's true."

-- Breaking Up is Hard to Do, The Carpenters



I don't know why custody crap has to be so drawn out. My lawyer explained that it happens this way because at the beginning of the separation, heads are not clear. But what about the kids? I mean, they stay in limbo while the parents fight it out like they are some piece of property!

I admit I had a little bit of an upper hand in the beginning, because I saw this coming, planned it, and set it into motion. But I did not see coming this prolonged, bitter reaction from Joe.

I got this seemingly innocuous email from him this weekend:

To: sirschy
From: Joe
Subject: Jacob's baby book, vital information
Date: Sat, 5 May 2007 10:47:50 EDT


Copies of the appropriate pages from the baby book I'm assembling for Jacob will be in your work mailbox next week.

Complete and return them to me if you want your family represented in the book.

I believe you have Jacob's birth certificate and Social Security information. I need the papers you have to compare against the copies I've ordered. This is to complete my estate planning to benefit Jacob.

I will keep copies of these documents and also provide copies to the trustee and contingent trustee who will hold and disburse my bequests to Jacob, in accordance with my will, should I die while Jacob is a minor.

I'm not a stupid woman, and I knew he was fishing for something. Disburse? Bequest? Estate? The man lives in a $130,000 townhouse, for crying out loud. Filled with a bunch of mismatched Lenox. And a great collection of Rubbermaid he won't return to me, I might add.

I did have Jacob's birth certificate and SS card. I didn't take much that night I left, and I don't know what on earth made me go take THAT envelope, of all things. Perhaps because, in my subconscious mind, I knew it would be by far the hardest thing to pry from Joe. Those two documents, to him, represent some kind of ownership of the boy. He had hidden them from me, but I knew where they were.

I would bet a lot of money that the moment I pulled out of his driveway that night, he made a beeline to see if he still had them.

Normally I ignore these fishing emails, but I saw the opportunity to get something I wanted too:

To: joe
From: sirschy
Subject: Re: Jacob's baby book, vital information
Date: Sat, 5 May 2007 10:52:54 -0700 (PDT)


How about disbursing some of that wealth to him now? If you are going to pay half his medical and day care expenses as you said you would, you owe me $326 for April. This is at least my second request. Please don't make me keep asking.

I am not interested in participating in your baby book at this time, but thank you for thinking of me.

I'm considering your request for the documents.

He couldn't help himself with his typical snarky comment, which rolled right off me:

To: sirschy
From: joe
Subject: Re: Jacob's baby book, vital information
Date: Sat, 5 May 2007 19:13:33 EDT


Another thing to litigate? Great. Let's see who runs out of money first. By the way, how much did you give me for Jacob's college plan?

But then, he stepped it up. Not 10 minutes later, I got this:

To: sirschy
From: joe
Subject: Re: Jacob's baby book, vital information
Date: Sat, 5 May 2007 19:23:06 EDT


A double thank you, by the way:

1. For confirming you have the documents. That's all I wanted to know.

2. For not giving me information about a bunch of people Jacob will never know and won't care a whit about. Geez, even more of your family is in the cemetery than mine, and you're 20 years younger than me. Must be those master race genes, eh fraulein?

Oooooh, low blows.

I am no longer afraid of him actually being able to take my son from me, but the whole stance he has -- and the absolute will he has to get his son at any cost -- disturbs me to no end.

This was on top of a series of emails we had before the weekend, where he demanded to know where I would be taking Jacob this weekend so he'd have the opportunity to object. Object? Object???

My lawyer said to tell him, in the spirit of communication. So I did: The only plans we had were attending a first communion picnic with my family for my cousin's daughter Saturday at 3. After about two emails fishing more information from me, I get this:

To: sirschy
From: joe
Subject: Re: Jacob Thursday PM-Friday AM
Date: Fri, 04 May 2007 12:06:35 -0400


It's OK with me if we add my right to know about Jacob's contacts and activities to the list of things to be litigated. The list is so long already, what's another item? The information you provided is inadequate, by the way.

What the fuck does he want to know?? A guest list? The complete menu served? The latitude and longitude of my aunt's house??

I just ignored it. I think my days of "in the spirit of communication" are over.