Rattled

"Where, oh where, can my baby be?"

-- Last Kiss, Wayne Cochran


I de-iced my driveway tonight in anticipation of the apocalypse the weather guy predicted. I watched from my window as the white stuff recoiled. Satisfaction.

An hour later, I looked out. It's all covered over with a fresh layer of snow.

I'm still a newbie at this. Am I supposed to actually bust out a shovel? Get up early and spread some more ice melter? Take the day off and admit defeat?

I live on a dead end street, so this is really just an exercise in learning the ropes about snow days. But it looks like we'll have one tomorrow. Several people told me today that trucks aren't normally sent out until it stops snowing, and I see that wisdom now as I watch my driveway frost over.

What galls me to no end is that I spent the week at work busting my ass to get to a point where I could work on Really Important Things, and predicted snow is what will get in my way.

A hurricane, I could see staying home from work. A building sans windows, streets strewn with trees and traffic wires, no running water or electricity for weeks, a car underwater, roofs blown to pieces across several blocks, THAT I have accepted in keeping me from work. But fucking snow????

This was fun when I was a kid. But not when I have so much -- professionally, personally, legally -- riding on me navigating the city in a single day. The whole city will stop tomorrow, but I have just too much to get through.

DEEP BREATH.

I think I'm just afraid... of not being on schedule for Jacob tomorrow. I fear him getting snowed into a cozy corner with Joe. Or getting him and not being skilled enough to drive through ice and snow to get to our appointments.

And I miss him terribly. I miss cupping his round head when he buries his face into me, I miss him and Zoe chasing each other around the house, I miss the smell of him as he climbs into my lap with a fistful of toys he forgets about for a moment.