Houston...

We have a problem.



"All the science, I don't understand.
It's just my job, five days a week.

I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at all
Oh no no no, I'm a rocket man."

- Rocket Man, Elton John



I am officially doing my job now. I am back on days, I am dropping Zoe off at school and heading to work, doing my job and going and picking up Zoe, having dinner, giving her a bath (as warranted) and enjoying the company of my family and getting to bed at a decent hour. I've become an instant news junkie: I have so much more time on my hands that I'm soaking up TV and radio news, and I even found myself reading the competition and poking around internet news. Yes, I'm am officially doing my job now.

I am so fucking bored.

Not so much with the family side of it... I relish that. I've had a daughter for four years and I've never had dinner with her on a regular basis. I haven't spent any meaningful time with my father in more than 15 years. (And we're all caught up now, done, LOL.) I get to see my brother whenever I want, but I don't, and I can call up my cousins and friends without worrying about long-distance charges. Though I don't have their numbers memorized so I continue to use my programmed cell so.. well... I'll move those to the "pro" list later.

But it's the work part. I go to work. I get there before most people and I have about an hour to get done what I want. Then.... it's meetings. All day. I have a minimum of three meetings a day. Monday I should have had seven but only made it to five.

Through these meetings, it's how I learn about the company. It's practically my only opportunity to learn about the company now, and I get along just fine with everyone and have started inserting my 2 cents... but it's the upper folks I'm dealing with, and I just never had the foresight to think about that. I have so much to get used to here -- political affiliations, private ownership, financial freedom, among them -- that I can't believe I'm not in the trenches. Where I love to be.

Oh, woe is me, right? LOL. I guess I'm not used to making decisions, enterprising if you will. I think if my old paper had handed those reins to me, I would have embraced it, but walking into a new place and feeling a little pressure to judge the marketability of the product and run with it....

I've had no training. Not even on the programs, and I feel stupid calling technology over to find out why a PDF looks incorrect. Forget mentors, I haven't been offered one: In a month probably I'll be expected to mentor others and I suspect I'll have to run meetings. I don't even know who is who and who does what. I spend a good deal of my time snooping around about who I'm supposed to be talking to about this and that. And reintroducing myself to everyone I've already met.

I know I'll learn. But I just want to sit and do what I'm good at: EDIT. Design or copy, I wanna edit. I wonder if I'm not supposed to do that anymore, if I'm expected to let my days be consumed by learning the ropes on my own, feeling my way around and carving out something for myself, suggesting projects and following through.

Which I have been. I feel like I've been turned loose in the newsroom and they're seeing what I come up with.

It's more stressful than a midnight deadline with breaking news at 11:45. But way less exciting.