Let's get this show on the road

"Give me my freedom
For as long as I be.
All I ask of livin'
Is to have no chains on me."

-- And When I Die, Blood Sweat & Tears




When we got home from looking at the house on Thursday, Joe settled in to watch the Penguins game, and then he fell asleep.

So the next morning I accosted him. "What do we tell Joanne?" Meaning, what are we offering? I guess at that point, I knew what his answer would pan out to be.

He went round and round about the pitfalls of an old house, that he didn't know how it worked since he's always bought new construction, that he was afraid we'd lose money trying to make this a viable option... in other words, he had lots of questions.

So why did he stay on the phone with his daughter when the real estate lady was going over all these finer details he had all these questions about?

"I didn't want to tell her I'd call her back because I wanted to watch the Penguins game," he told me.

It's not like we're picking out cereal at Giant Eagle. We're BUYING A HOUSE. I didn't go off on him too much, I just pointed out, as calmly as I could, that his dragging his feet about buying a house has pretty much triggered my breaking point. He led me all the way to this point, letting me shop and run things by him and finding the near-perfect house that met most of his wants (and few of mine) and insisting on me doing all this legwork... and now he was crapping out.

It's not the only thing he's crapped out about. I must have sent him the marriage license application two dozen times. Mostly in a joking way, but he still hasn't filled it out. And this says a lot. Joe's job is to answer email, essentially. And no matter what I send him, even if it doesn't warrant a reply, he sends one. But he NEVER responds to the emails where I've solicited his help in filling out the marriage license application.

And when we talk about his (lacking) relationship with Zoe, he dodges his role in her behavior problems, saying that he'll listen to an expert if that's the road I want to take. An expert? A counselor? I'm her mother, but somehow this disqualifies me as a Zoe expert.

He doesn't help me much with Jacob. Just today, at a little cafe we stopped at, Joe had FINISHED his lunch while he watched me simultaneously prepare and feed Jacob a bottle while I instructed Zoe on how to purchase and insert a straw into her chocolate milk after standing guard outside the bathroom while she did her business. I hadn't even touched my own lunch before he was ready to go and acting painfully bored.

He changes about four diapers a week, and not very well. He opts out when I ask him to feed Jacob, he does nothing to help with the kid's hygiene, and I can't even get him to tour a day care center. In fact, when I finally picked one, he ordered me to make calls to see if there was something better.

Let's not even talk about the sex department. LACKING. But it ain't for my lack of trying.

I pointed out all of this to him and told him all the signs were there... if he didn't want to pursue all of this, he needed to just tell me. Instead, he put it back on me. "You're just insulting me. I won't stand for all these insults."

WHAT THE FUCK EVER.



I bid on the house as high as I could go, , probably higher than that even, knowing I likely would be on my own. Rejected. Which is definitely a blessing in disguise, because I would have been scraping by if my offers had been accepted. But I just loved that house, and it was a blow to lose it.

But you know, I'm trying hard not to be bitter. And I don't think I am. I went out and got a new wardrobe for work, I've refocused much of my energy on my kids, and I cut off all my hair. Not a Britney-style cut, but damn short, shorter than that time I was drunk in college and thought I'd look good with a boy cut and took scissors to it myself. And I didn't intend to go so short, but I had the opportunity to donate my ponytail to Locks of Love, so I did.



I look like a blonde Posh Spice now, minus the body, but I'm not trying to impress anyone. And Zoe loves my haircut, which means more to me than anything.