dream of me, baby

"Times have changed, and times are strange.
Here I come, but I ain't the same."

-- Mama I'm Coming Home, Ozzy Osbourne



I've been staying with my cousin, who is a single mom with two kids of her own, and it hasn't been so bad so far.

One of her kids ignores me. Which is fine. The other is like a Zoe replica. Only worse, because she doesn't know me very well so I am subject to all the questions Zoe already has answers to. It's like.... 15 Zoes in the room, quizzing me. After a while of her chattering and crawling all over me, a buzzer goes off in my head, and I become a robot. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I am so happy to be here, and I feel safe. I probably feel safer because I surrendered a little.

Joe has Jacob tonight. I offered to let him pick him up from day care and drop him off tomorrow morning. I got off work early today and went over to the day care and spent as much time with Jacob as I thought I possibly could before Joe might walk in. I got to give the boy a bottle and got a lot of good conversation... a bit of a fix!

It was so fucking hard to walk out without him though. I felt like I just left him behind. Before I got to my car I was weeping. Still, I feel like I cheated a little bit. Not that I give a shit.

I explained to Zoe, when she asked why we weren't bringing Jacob, that it was Joe's turn with him. Like how sometimes it was daddy's turn with her. She didn't seem satisfied with that answer, but quickly grew bored with the subject. "I'm hungry."


I went out to Old Navy and bought a bunch of clothes for me and Zoe since we haven't been able to get our things from Joe's house. Tomorrow I need to go bed shopping.................. since finally I got the word today that I can officially move in Wednesday! I won't actually do it Wednesday, but I'll go over and start cleaning. Arrange for a truck. Line up the males in the family and hold my breath for the weekend.


I'm coming home.