No, I didn't sit at his desk

Every day around lunchtime, I head over to my designated pumping area, usually an empty office in the back of the marketing department. The door has been locked lately because someone is storing boxes of Colby Armstrong bobbleheads in there, so when I head over, one of several women with keys unlock the door for me.

Today I turned the corner and the lights were on in that office, and there was a woman sitting at the desk, presumably working. My backup office was also occupied. I stopped in my tracks. This was... something that had not happened to me yet... bad bad bad... trying... to cope... aching boobs....

"We'll get you something," one of the key ladies said in all dramatic sincerity, realizing I was standing there in a panic. She darted off. Two of the other key ladies joined forces and scurried off to try to find a room for me too.

It was as if they sensed my shirt would bust open and milk would gush forth if I didn't pump RIGHT NOW.

It was a neat effect to be able to have on people. But really I was feeling disappointed that I might miss my afternoon read, our seedy little afternoon edition, and I was wondering how I would otherwise get my Carolyn Hax fix.

After a little whispering and knocking on doors and making calls, key ladies No. 1 and No. 2 steered me to an office that was clearly occupied for the day, and asked me if I could get my business done in 20 minutes, because "he's out at the moment, but he'll be back. You should be safe."

Key lady No. 3 looked like I shouldn't take the deal. "It's Scaife's office."

Scaife, as in Richard Mellon Scaife. One of the richest men in Western Pennsylvania. One of the richest men in the country. My ultimate boss, the owner of the entity that employs me. I went in.

"We'll keep an eye out," one of the key ladies called out as I shut the door.

LET ME TELL YOU how long it takes for let-down to happen when you're under that kind of pressure.


Afterward, I told my regular old boss: "I bet I'm the only person who will ever be able to say she pumped breastmilk in the office of Richard Mellon Scaife."

He looked at me sideways. "That's more information than I want to know."

Yeah, it's probably more information than Richard Mellon Scaife wants to know too.