For crying out loud

Kids really need to come with instruction manuals.

I read everything I could get my hands on when I had Zoe. This time, I read next to nothing, but I need more than anything to find that magic nugget that explains to me why this boy cries all the time and why I can do nothing to stop it.

I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel lately. After getting a clean bill of health from Jacob's doctor and trying all the "approved" remedies, I've been branching out. My dear dear dear dear friend Rebecca has been gathering intelligence from seasoned moms, and in the past two nights I've tried Karo syrup and rice cereal, with mixed success.

The crying has diminished. The sleeping is still lacking.

The figure-out-what's-bugging-him-tonight ritual has been starting later and ending earlier. But now I'm on HIS schedule, and when he does drift off, I'm wide awake.

We'll get it right at some point. I'm confident. But just when I think I might have it, he jerks awake, and it starts again. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of success with each new thing.

Until the crying starts again.

He's almost six weeks old. Many women have to go back to work after that amount of time. I just can't imagine having to deal with that right now. I was supposed to have a six-week checkup to finish up my short-term disability benefits, but I can't even get it together enough to remember to make an appointment for that.

Joe is sick again. Zoe seems to be entertaining the idea of illness. If Jacob gets sick, I might just have to commit myself to long-term, in-patient psychiatric care. No visitors allowed.