Relief

"Sometimes it seems
Like this world's closing in on me,
And there's no way of breaking free,
And then I see you reach for me."

-- When I See You Smile, Bad English



Joe and I browsed the internet last night in an attempt to figure out why Jacob might be crying more and more each day. Colic definitely sounds like a possibility, but it also seems to me like a last resort diagnosis... if your baby is crying, and if no cause can bothered to be found, they call it colic.

One thing we found as a possibility is caffeine. I have been drinking low-octane coffee, and it normally takes a lot of caffeine to affect a breastfed baby, but we are desperate to figure this out so we decided this was the next thing to try after gas drops didn't work. Today I zapped it from my diet to see if it made a difference.

It was a WORLD of difference. Jacob had only of few jags lasting a few minutes instead of wailing constantly from 8 p.m. to 4 a.m.

I had a hard time nixing the coffee... I've been depending on it to help me with all this lack of sleep. And I LOVE coffee. But you know, sitting here watching him sleep when he's supposed to, and seeing that he's not acting like I just ripped his leg out of its socket, I'm happy to kiss coffee goodbye.

Joe let me sleep a lot today, and without coffee I needed it. It was a really great day. When I was awake Joe was all over us, and he made me breakfast and we watched football and made pizza and I napped a lot while Joe did all the laundry and chores and shit that needed to get done. And he took care of the baby when one of them wasn't hungry or sleeping. I don't think I even had to change a diaper today! I have been hating being stuck in the house, and I hate even more when I don't feel productive while being stuck in the house, but I let it all go today and just enjoyed having the time to do what I needed.

And it's so wonderful to see Joe smile again. He was joking and happy and bitched about Cowher all day. I haven't seen him like this since around Thanksgiving.

Ah, if only every day could be like this.

Joe's probably making up for some guilt for leaving me next weekend, but I'll take it. Zoe is with her dad this weekend, and while I miss her, I really needed a day to recharge.

In peace. And quiet.