It's a scream

Joe came home Tuesday afternoon. I have to admit, when I woke up Tuesday knowing he was going to be home, I felt like I could breathe again. Like I had been holding my breath since he left.

When I finally picked him up at the airport, I felt like I was holding my breath again.

He seemed somehow changed though, and over the next two days, I learned why as he told stories about seeing his daughters, who he hadn't seen in about four years, and his grandchildren, who he had never met. I could tell he already missed them very much and that he realized that spending that much time estranged was a huge mistake.

And he mentioned that his daughters insisted on coming to our wedding.

Sigh.

We spent a week of hell (again) last week fighting about what seemed to be the end of the world, and then after he calms down he (once again) acts like nothing has happened. It's amazing.

I finally got up the nerve tonight to tell him we needed to talk. "About what?"

ABOUT WHY WE NEARLY BROKE UP AND WHY WE NEARLY BREAK UP EVERY OTHER MONTH AND WHAT THIS WILL DO TO THE LIVES OF MY CHILDREN IF IT DOES HAPPEN AND WHY YOU SEEM OK TO GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON WITHOUT LETTING ANYONE ELSE KNOW.

I didn't want to talk about it tonight though. We are both exhausted. Jacob was screaming well into the night last night. And well into the morning. And some of the afternoon. And now.